Pain Before Growth: Lessons from Chicago, Kintsugi, and Trees

Photo by Amy Shamblen on Unsplash

The beginnings of terrible events often occur unexpectedly…

Like one night in Chicago in 1871 when the flame from a lantern in a barn spread and burned down the whole city. At that time, Chicago was a source of inexpensive lumber, so most buildings were made of wood. A small fire in the barn was able to spread and reach the heart of the city’s business and cultural district, causing immense destruction in just 2 days. This huge fire, known as The Great Chicago Fire, is estimated to have claimed over 300 lives, left around 100,000 people homeless, and caused over $1 billion in damage (in today’s dollars).

The Great Chicago Fire was thus like drawing the Tower card, which signifies unexpected catastrophic collapse with no way to prevent the disaster – only to accept the damage and start over. But the old Chicago that had burned to ashes seized this opportunity for a major rebuilding effort known as The Great Rebuilding, which has made Chicago into one of the best-designed modern cities today and the #1 US city for 4 years straight.

The question is – can a person who suffers such unexpected misfortune find a way to rebuild their life into something brighter like the city of Chicago?

Fortunately, mental health researchers confirm this is possible, as many studies on “posttraumatic growth” have similar findings. Not only can people recover after experiencing trauma, going through the most heartbreaking experiences can give our lives new meaning in at least 3 ways according to psychologist Jonathan Haidt:

  • Overcoming adversity and fighting again makes us realize strengths we didn’t know we had and how those strengths can change our life path going forward. As Nietzche said, “That which does not kill me makes me stronger.” Psychology studies also confirm that people who face obstacles realize they are much more resilient than they thought, and those who have suffered tremendous grief like war veterans, rape victims, and people who lost loved ones often develop better immunity against future misfortunes compared to those who haven’t suffered before.
  • Knowing who remains by your side at your worst moments allows you to see relationships in a profoundly deeper light. Tragedy acts as a filter to show who still stands by you on your darkest days and who reaches out when you have nothing left, giving you greater appreciation and meaning for the time you have with those people. Studies on grief by Susan Nolen-Hoeksema also found that people who lose loved ones tend to have more patience and compassion for others in their lives. In essence, loss makes people cherish their remaining connections.
  • It leads to changed perspectives on life and immense personal growth. Trauma often reorders life priorities and shifts mindsets – for example, a terminal diagnosis may prompt someone to finally pursue long-held dreams without hesitation or spend more time with family. As time feels more precious, people find pursuits like money lose importance compared to loved ones by their side. Haidt doesn’t praise suffering itself but notes that in bad situations, good can be found too. People discover life has other paths and learn from hardship to build themselves back up again.

This relates to the Japanese philosophy of kintsugi – the idea that people can rebuild meaningful lives by accepting and learning from adversity, symbolized by repairing broken pottery with gold resin to highlight the fractures as part of the object’s unique history. This honors the human ability to reconstruct shattered parts of oneself into a renewed whole. Like kintsugi, people who find value in the wounds of life can flourish again.

Ultimately, studies on human resilience show that like trees, people naturally regenerate over time when given the proper nurturing environment – we don’t need to “fix” ourselves like computers. We already have the ability to heal within us.

see the article in Thai